Relationships

Be a Legend: How to be Wingmaned

It’s Friday night, you’re newly single and the boys are taking you out in attempt to see if you remember how to interact with women
Spoiler alert, if you were in a relationship that lasted longer than six months chances are she stole your magic and you’re feeling more awkward than a 6th grader at his first school dance. Lucky for you, you have your boys to help you. Much like that dude from Blood Diamond guiding Leo around the desert, they’re going to do their best to keep you from getting murdered out there. Tonight is your night. Listen to your favorite pump up song, give yourself a stress tug, do some pushups, watch Any Given Sunday and get ready to have some fun.

Training wheels
You’ve been out of game for a while, no one expects anything brilliant but you need to try. The boys are going to be out there helping you get your feet under you but don’t just sit back and let them do all the heavy lifting. Russel Wilson can only do so much with a shitty offensive line, ya dig? Let their confidence bring up your stoke level and follow these rules to make your release back into the wild world of being single as enjoyable and successful as possible.

Don’ts:

  • Don’t get too drunk
  • Don’t get sucked into the first conversation for too long
  • Don’t bro out with some random dude who has the same political views as you
  • Don’t talk about your old relationship
  • Don’t talk about yourself too much
  • Don’t talk extensively about sports (unless she picks up on the first reference and then run with it)
  • Don’t compliment her too many times – one is sweet, two is nice, three is creepy
  • Don’t talk about your job unless she asks and even then don’t focus on it
  • Don’t lose focus
  • Don’t be a dickhead
  • Don’t worry about needing to close

Do’s:
Make as many new female friends as possible. Be proactive with your own introductions. Smile and be approachable. Have a short memory (in forgetting your failures). Pick a lovely lady and make it happen for yourself! And last but not least, be RESPECTFUL of her; if she’s not into it take the hint and move on.

Conversation Etiquette:
Once you or your boys get you in, now what? Ask a meaningful question, listen to her answer then ask another question, repeat the pattern one more time and then respond. The ratio is 3:1. She talks for three minutes, you talk for one. Find common ground. One of your first three questions should lead you to a common interest which will act as the backbone for your entire conversation that night. Good Question – “I don’t really like asking people what they do, I’d rather know what you like to do. So, what do you like to do?”

Be Fun:
Suggest something active. Playing one of the games at the bar, a drinking game, moving the group to a different bar, etc. Keep it fresh, fun, and non-threatening. If the conversation dips for just a few seconds, let her know you are enjoying the conversation, the bar, the atmosphere, her, etc. Don’t just keep offering her drinks, it makes it seem like you’re intending on taking advantage of her intoxication.

Ask For The Business:
This is where most guys fail. No one can read the dynamic but you. However, no matter what the situation is, you have to ask the question. There is a good chance you don’t look like Zach Efron or throw 35 touchdowns in the NFL every year, so guess what, she is not going to ask you! You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. So sack up and ask for what you want.

 kiss robin williams blow kiss GIF
Kissing:
If you are feeling the connection and you want to kiss the girl…When she is looking at you, noticeably look down at her lips for a count of two while also semi-biting your own, then back up at her eyes to make sure she saw you do it, semi-shaking your head and looking deep in her eyes just say, “God I really want to kiss you right now.” Then don’t lean in, just wait, wait for her reaction. One of three things will happen:

  1. If she smiles really big, slowly go for it!
  2. If she smiles while shaking her head saying something like “get out of here,” she likes that you want to but doesn’t like PDA.
  3. If she pulls back with serious eyes…..you’re out of luck, don’t press her again for a kiss. Desperation is for the weak, find someone new and start again.

Phone number:
The two of you have probably been relating about one thing or another. Figure out an opportunity to meet up again somehow involving the relating topic. ie. “we should watch Game of Thrones together sometime, we should go to a baseball game, we should hit this concert, etc.” Hand her YOUR phone with the add contact screen already open as you are saying that sentence. Don’t ask for her number, have her enter her number.

Sleep Over:
You’re crazy if you think I’m giving this away for free. That is intellectual property of the highest value. If you like what you read, hit me up for more information. Stay Thirsty.

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