Adulting

Da Fuq is: Prostate Cancer

Why you need to give a shit about cancer in your 20’s
In conjunction with our month long fundraiser November Is For The Boys, we’re coming at you with a series of “Da Fuq” articles focused on men’s health issues. You probably don’t give a shit about these issues because you’re still in your 20s and think you’re invincible because you did Tough Mudder with 1000 other NARPs. Sorry to disappoint you Chad, but these diseases are some of the leading killers of men and you’re an idiot if you don’t start learning about them now. As such, we’re going to talk about prostate cancer, testicular cancer and depression in small words so you can hopefully understand why these topics deserve your attention now and not when it’s too late.

Before we start, let’s try to get off any “prostate milking” jokes so we can take this seriously.

Looking at #fitchicks on Instagram is way easier than having hard conversations about people dying
Unless you have or had someone close to you be diagnosed with prostate cancer it’s probably not even a blip on your radar. It’s something that men our fathers’ ages have to worry about everyday, so we tend to ignore them because we’re so much younger. We have too much on our plates right now: student debt, bee’s dying at an alarming rate and the hot barista who gave your coffee last week saying “enjoy your coffee” to which you responded, “you too.”

Jesus, you’re a lost cause.

But really, why should you care about something that may or may not affect you in 30 years?
Well, let’s start here, Approximately 1 in 7 men will be diagnosed with prostate cancer at some point in their lives. Out of the men diagnosed with prostate cancer 1 in 33 will die from it. It is the second most common cancer for men.

Wanna do a fun exercise to bring this to life? Look at how many Facebook friends you have. Divide that number in half to separate men from women. Then divide that number by 7 and then 33. The resulting number is how many of your friends will statistically die from prostate cancer.

Da Fuq even is a prostate and what it do?
Your prostate is a walnut sized gland that peacefully resides between your browneye and your fruit basket. Or as the medical professionals say, “between your rectum and your bladder” but for us adults with a teenage sense of humor we can say that it lives north in your grundle.

Your prostate gland is responsible for creating prostate fluid which is one of the components of semen. The prostate muscle is responsible for propelling the seminal fluid through your urethra when you nut. Both of these functions are moderately important . Pew Pew Pew.

Turns out, the rumors are true.
Likely, if you know one thing about prostate cancer it is the correlation of ejaculation and decreased risk of prostate cancer.
Scientists conducting a Harvard study found that “men who ejaculate 21 or more times in a month enjoyed (enjoyed it one way to put it) a 33% lower risk of prostate cancer compared to men who reported four to seven ejaculations a month throughout their lifetimes.”

However, don’t start fapping yet. The study concludes that more research must be conducted to understand the relationship between ejaculation and prostate health. Still, next time your girl catches you in the bathtub with lights off, candles lit, private browsing on and using her expensive oils to get down with your bad self, you can respond to your transgression with, “babe, it’s necessary so I can keep my prostate in healthy functionality.”

We know that adulting is hard enough already, so here’s a short list of things you can do to keep your very important walnut sized gland in good working order:

  • Healthy diet – high intake of fruits and vegetables
  • Healthy weight
  • Exercise regularly
  • Speak to your doctor if members of your family have a history of cancer. Like, actually ask people in your family to see if it’s a problem for you guys. If it is, ACTUALLY talk to your doctor so he can give you better advice than two dickheads on the internet that went to a liberal arts college in Utah.

As we mentioned, this is being done in conjunction with our month long campaign “November Is For the Boys” where members of our community are growing mustaches in order to raise money to donate to men’s health charities and families directly affected by these diseases. If you are interested in participating, sponsoring or donating please visit our “November Is For The Boys” donation page.

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