Fall Fashion: Shoes and Shit

As promised, we’re back with our fall fashion series aimed at helping you up your thread game and increase your chances of finding someone to keep you warm. Any help is good help as the weather gets colder, days get shorter and the nights are long and lonely and your supply of lotion is exhausted. This week’s article is all about the details as we go over shoes, accessories and numerous other things that will capture attention and increase your potential. 

Leather boots

Just because you were a skater when you were 13 doesn’t mean you need to “represent” and still wear skate shoes.
Humans have been wearing boots since 12,000 BCE (stateschoolers this is 14,017 years ago). They were originally created as durable, functional pieces of footwear to protect our non-uber using ancestors from the elements.However, since you’re a member of the softest generation in the game this doesn’t apply to you. What does matter is that in an age of “postindustrialismBasically that we've switched from a manufacturing economy to a service based one, which is why we're all pussies “, they are highly both highly practical and fashionable, keeping you comfortable and looking like a savage.

Every man should own a good pair of boots. This is one of the areas where spending a little extra money is worth it. A good pair of boots will be more comfortable as they mold to your feet and will last longer because high quality leather will outlive the soles (which can easily be replaced by any cobbler). Buy high quality or you’re going to be replacing these frequently and have a shit load of blisters all the time. 

Buying options 
$-$$$ Zappos
$-$$$ Nordstrom (if you find Frye boots on sale and you like them, buy them they last forever)


Without doubt, one of the best things in life is putting on a new pair of socks and without a doubt, one of the worst things in life is having your socks fall off your calves and having to pull them back up.
It’s actually a pain in the dick to find a high quality pair with a long lifespan. This Fall you’re going to up your sock game. No more boring single-color shitty Hanes socks. Socks are an expression of fun and creativity that are sure to be appreciated by whoever catches a glance

Buying options 
$ English Laundry
$$ Nice Laundry


For your sake, we hope that just because summer ended doesn’t mean that your desire to be a high class piece of man ass has ended as well.
We realize that for a lot of you Fall means Football Season and parking your ass in a recliner while facefucking cases of beer and piles of nachos four times a week. That’s fine, but the difference between you and all the other has-beens that you’re watching the game with is we’re not going to let you get fat. Choo Choo motherfucker, it’s time to get back on the Gaintrain.

Likely you’re in need of a new pair of shoes because yours are all trashed from taking “hikes” with your girlfriend so she would have the perfect Instagram picture that her basic friends would comment #goals #fitcouple goals #😍 #obnoxious. Buy a new pair of kicks for the gym and keep them for the gym. Wearing your gym shoes to places other than to the gym is a total Chad move. Your gym shoes are a tool of exercise and should be respected as such.

Buying options 
$$ Nike Metcon 3 


Wrist game on point does not only apply to watches nowadays.
If executed correctly, the bro bracelet is a power move. There are rules to wearing them and there are many different styles and types which we will discuss at a later date. For now, let’s start here; it’s an accent piece not a center piece. It should be understated, not get in the way of movement and for the most part you should be able to forget it’s there. 

Buying options 

$ Vitaly
$$ Miansai


We know you have a self imposed egotistically based issue with scarfs but you need to stop being a twat and start wearing a scarf.
They are one of the most sophisticated items a man can include in his wardrobe. Harvard recently did a study titled “The Affects of Men Wearing Scarves on Women,” in which people much smarter than you concluded that man-scarves stimulate female’s Bartholin’s Gland (that’s a good thing). Despite the fact that we might have embellished that last sentence, the fact remains, a scarf is an absolutely fire move when pulled off correctly.

Outside of the evolved detailing they bring to the wearer, they are (for the most part) cheap, accessible and serve a functional purpose.  Buy one or two that are simple, unbranded and cheap. They should go with most everything you own, will keep you looking fresh and will keep you way warmer than your nasty neckbeard.

Buying options 
$-$$$ Nordstrom Rack

You Might Also Like...

No Comments

    Leave a Reply