The Modern Male’s Guide to DM Slides

In contemporary culture the “DM slide” has a less than stellar reputation
For those of you who have been living under a rock, a DM slide is when you reach out to someone of the opposite sex via the direct messaging function of a social media platform, typically Instagram. It’s usually synonymous with fuckboys, unsolicited dick pictures and the unfortunate fact that some Chads think “no” means “try harder”. This makes the DM slide a tricky move to execute correctly. On one hand, it’s quickly becoming the modern equivalent of walking up to a girl at the bar to introduce yourself and is a great way to meet people that you otherwise never might have bumped into IRL. However, the negative associations that come with it due to the classless acts of a minority of insecure beta men put you at an immediately disadvantage. What this means is that even if you are not, never have been and never will be a DM’ing fuckboy, you will be subjected to the same level of scrutiny as the worst of them. Guilt by association isn’t only exercised by the Executive branch.

Because you have a penis, you’re guilty from the start
Whatever your intentions, your actions will be judged under a microscope by her, her friends, the woman who does her hair and Stacy from HR who won’t keep her nose out of other people’s business. Fair or not, it is what it is and brings us to the main point of this article: as a modern man in 2017 you need to learn how to navigate the negativity surrounding the DM by behaving within a set of behaviors otherwise known as class and respect. Shocking right? Just like if you were going to have the balls to approach a woman in real life and start a conversation with her at a bar, you’re going to have to forget everything you learned at the frat and treat her with a little respect because her guard (rightfully so) is already up. So, sit down, shut the fuck up and get woke.

Photo by: Lynae Cook

First of all, it’s no longer a “slide” because both parties know what you’re doing
Stop thinking you’re sly when you blast one off, she know’s exactly what’s going on the second the notification hits her inbox. Rather than being looked at as a “sneaky” move, you need to start thinking about the DM as a last resort. What we mean by this is that it’s the move you use if there’s no other way to contact the person you’re interested in talking to. You don’t have their number, no mutual friends, you missed them in real life when you had the chance, etc.  This isn’t a replacement for talking to women in real life, it’s the facilitator of an opportunity when you missed the first one (you big puss). Thus, much like approaching a woman at a bar, you need to do one of the following two things:

  1. Be attractive
  2. Have something funny or important to say

Ideally you’re both, but we can’t all be Ryan Reynolds. Play to your strengths.

The Do’s

  1. The golden rule is always be polite, funny and honest. Think about it from her perspective. This is an unsolicited approach from a stranger and she owes you nothing. If you want her to even consider taking the time to get back to you, give her a reason to think that class actually exists and you’re not just another snapback wearing bro who’s looking for an easy score. Be a polite and considerate snapback wearing bro.
  2. Do your research. It’s not stalking if the information is public and readily available for collection and analysis. Then, use what you’ve learned to come up with a good icebreaker or reason for reaching out. This is actually going to require you to use your brain to think a little bit, but if this girl is attractive enough that you’re blasting off a DM, she’s worth it.
  3. Know what you want so she can decide what she wants. What is your call to action? Date? One night stand? Business contact? You’re reaching out to her, so give her the decency of letting her know why. Be direct and don’t waste her time trying to make her guess what you’re after. Games are for betas.
  4. Be graceful in defeat. If she’s not into it, she’s not into it. Once again, this is just like if you get rejected at a bar: smile, move on and don’t let it ruin your night.

The Don’ts

  1. Never DM a woman asking for nudes, late night sex or anything else you wouldn’t say in real life. If you’re going to be a degenerate Chad, go make a Tinder and be a shitbag somewhere else.
  2. If you’re nervous, test the waters first. Like a few pictures in a row from her feed and see if she returns fire. Selection is important here and sets the tone for what kinda guy you are. Make sure you’re not just liking pictures of her in a bikini or her naughty nurse costume from last Halloween. Also, don’t go much further back than eight weeks back in her profile. This is where Instagram becomes a museum – you can look but you can’t touch. If she responds by liking multiple pictures of yours, you’re clear to send.
  3. Never lead with a picture. What the fuck is she supposed to do with a picture?
  4. Don’t include an emoji. Honestly, we aren’t sure if men should really ever use emojis, but we’ll save that for another time.
  5. Never double message. If she doesn’t respond, gather your ego and forget about it. Instagram is not a place for perseverance.

If you haven’t figured it out yet, the metaphor here is that it’s like talking to a woman at a bar. It takes confidence, thought and a touch of class. If you do it right, she’ll be appreciative at the very least. However, if you’re a dickhead about it, you risk (and deserve) getting a drink dumped on you and slapped.

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