Try Harder: Taking Care of Your Hands

 The Problem

She doesn’t want to be felt up by Wolverine and she definitely does not want those grubby claws anywhere south of her waistline… Your hands work for you and you take their functionality as perfection and think of nothing beyond. But I promise you that she notices the details you overlook and judges you based on what your hands look like.

You fix shit around the house, take out the trash and sometimes you’re forced to dig through her purse to find your moisturizer and dignity. Whatever you do that tears apart your hands you need to monitor their appearance because she notices and she doesn’t want to be seduced with those grubby little Carnie Hands that smell like cabbage.

There is an intersection of gym hands, man hands and hands that she wants to be touched with. You lift. That is swell, you should be proud of your calluses, they are a badge of accomplishment and legitimacy – unless you wear gloves in the gym… Man hands exist in a balance. They are strong, rough and a little bit fucked up but they shouldn’t look like you’ve been playing in the dirt all day and they shouldn’t look like you just left a nail salon.

The Solution

1. Make sure that your right hand is not the only one being moisturized regularly
2. Stop chewing on your nails, it’s infantile and disgusting
3. Clip your nails frequently and then file down the rough cuts so they are smooth and sensual
4. Spend less than $19 on these tools to turn those claws into something she will put in her mouth, cuz she a freak n’ stuff.

  • Toe Nail Clippers (use them on your hands because the hand ones are garbage and break) get one with a guard so you don’t have to chase your clippings everywhere – Drug Store / Online, 13.00$

  • 100 Grit Coarse File – Drug Store / Online, 3.00 $


The Conclusion

Take care of your hands because you want to take care of them but also because if you take care of them they might become her new favorite toy.



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