Dislike it or despise it, the Valentine’s Day train is coming and it’s either jump on or get run over. Choo, choo, Chad, move your stubborn ass. Whether you blame Hallmark or Hershey’s, bae is waiting. So before you spout off some nonsense about how your significant other said V-Day is a garbage holiday, let us stop you. It’s a trap. Regardless of what they said about “not having to do anything,” you have to do something special. So, heed our warning or you’ll end up eating stale Russel Stover’s and crying at toothpaste commercials.
Here’s the thing, don’t trust us. We’ve been perpetual failures on Valentine’s Day since grade school. Trust Lynae Cook, who came to our rescue with ideas and insights on gifts beyond the typical, overpriced rose bouquet. Level up, bro, and remember, the rules of last year’s Try Harder: How to Not Fuck Up Valentines Day still apply.
One size does not fit all
Maybe she’s not the bouquet of roses and fancy dinner kind of girl. Or maybe she is, but that doesn’t suit your relationship style. Or maybe you live together and you want to get her things that you also want because you’re practical. Cough, selfish, cough, cough. Whatever the reason, you’ve gotta pull your head out and try harder this year before you blow it with a box of chocolates and a store-bought card like every other Chad she’s dumped before.
Lot’s of women are both the non-rose type and cohabitation-type. As such, they enjoy giving and receiving gifts that won’t assault a shared style of decor. Read that again and back away from the 6ft., hot pink teddy bear. With that in mind, here are a few items that suit a unique taste and style, which hopefully you girlfriend will appreciate.
Tailored Group’s Metal Roses “Inspired by doing the opposite of what is recommended.”
Image: Tailored Group
Shop Tailored Group’s Metal Roses here. Roses are available in Onyx Black, Fire Engine Red, Brushed, and Polished. Use code “MoMM” for $5 discount.
Tailored Group and its creations are the brainchildren of Kevin Schetne, who primarily works with fabrication and customization of auto parts. The roses are a unique clash of cultures and idea, all of which are handmade from scratch. These are appealing for the same reason Schetne was inspired to create them; “countering norms and expectations.” Envision getting a few and using them in place of normal roses, or as a display in a shadowbox-like coffee table. If you don’t know what a shadowbox is, google it, and then pitch the idea to your girlfriend. She’ll love that you’ve been paying attention to Property Brothers almost as much as she loves these everlasting roses.
Note: These roses are in limited supply, so if they interest you, buy them sooner than later.
Maybe your lady is a new lady or a lady you want to feel special without scaring away by giving her a gift that’s more than utility. This is the perfect middle ground. The packaging is appealing and the press is lovely. It’s essentially a little coffee press in a cup. Think utilitarian chic.
Image via Amazon.com
Check out the Cafépress here (you’ll be happy to know it’s Amazon Prime eligible).
A Fucking Awesome Umbrella
What better way to say I love you, or if you’re being a fuckboy about it, I lowkey feel you, than protecting your sweetie from the April showers coming their way.
Bonus, this umbrella is covered in the Fucking Awesome logo, which is dope because it doesn’t feel as flashy as a high-contrast logo. This is also good because Debbie from Accounts might not be able to see what the logo says without her glasses and she won’t throw a conniption when you bring it into the office.
Image via Fucking Awesome’s Instagram
Order this umbrella here.
Bath & Body Essentials: Aesop
Aesop makes dope products that work on all types of skin. Since you have no idea what type of skin you have, let alone your lady friend, this is how you look like a genius while remaining completely clueless. Your special lady will feel sexier and fancier the moment she puts it on. This doesn’t translate to how you’ll feel putting it on. Stick to Jergens. Aesop is a little too expensive for your special, naughty time.
Image via Death by Luxe